Eight Marks of a Godly Woman, Part 1
Pastor Matt Black
29 August 2007
Midweek Bible Study
Titus 2:3-5
Introduction: Open your Bibles to Titus 2:3-5. The title of our message is “Eight Marks of a Godly Young Woman”. This message is really about living a transformed life. The power of the Holy Spirit will mark you. It will come out of your life.
This evening I want all of you ladies out there to be challenged. Whether you are single or married, God wants to use you in ways you cannot even imagine.
So let’s read this text on how important young families are to the life of the church.
Titus 2:3-5, “The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”.
I want you to see that the power of the Word of God is at stake. It’s impossible to fulfill what these verses require, but we know that God’s Word is powerful. It’s sharper than any two-edged sword. It divides asunder the soul and spirit. It’s a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. It’s the mighty sword of the Spirit. If you let the Word of God get a hold of you young mother, mature mother, father, grandfather, grandmother—it will change you. But if you take the name of Christian but resist the Word’s power, then God’s Word will be blasphemed. It’s like saying, “Hey, I’m a Christian, and I know Christ and His Word, but it has no effect on me.” No, we are here tonight believing in the power of the Word of God to change us. And how will it change us? This passage addresses young mothers in particular. It ways it will give them the power to fulfill eight fruits in their life. These fruits are fruits that they will use to influence for godliness. Well first it says
I. First, young women are to be serious minded, verse 4, “sober”. I want you to see how gravely important your task is in this world. The Bible tells us that the ladies of the church are to be sober. Sobriety is something that is in any Christian regardless of how old they are. But this is given to young woman. Be serious minded. There’s nothing more serious than your relationship with God. It will decide your eternity. You are either eternity minded or you are not. If you are you are going to take the things of God seriously.
You are going to meet God. I’m going to meet God. That’s serious. Do nothing that you will be ashamed of on that day.
How serious do we get about our children’s activities? We want to be there at every game. We seriously want to see them succeed. We will sacrifice time and money to get them involved in athletics and music and social activities, which is all fine, but how often do we sacrifice time in the prayer closet with them—and that doesn’t cost us any money. Do we have the same serious desire to see them succeed spiritually? The ability to play an instrument or be a success athletically will do them no good if they know not God. All activities must flow out of a total consecration to Jesus Christ.
Let me also say that you are a MENTOR. Your children are learners. In fact if you have no children, you are still a MENTOR. People are learning from you. Do you take life seriously? Is there anything more serious than being cut off from God?
We see these soldiers coming back from Iraq, and we weep, because their face is deformed, or they’re missing an arm, or a leg. A limb was cut off by a roadside bomb.
Do you realize that unless your children know God, they will be cut off forever from God? They will be forever alone, abandoned, and without your help. Does this concern you? Do you take your own life seriously?
Here’s a gage on the level of sobriety in your life. Do you believe the Bible?
Let’s say you go home tomorrow night after a hard days’ work. How do you relax? Do you relax yourself with entertainment that God abominates?
The chief killer of Holy Ghost Christianity—the chief quencher of the Spirit of God in our church is godless entertainment.
Don’t you know how sweet Jesus is? Don’t you want to relax in His presence? Don’t you take your children’s hearts seriously? Do you feed them with a bunch of garbage, distracting them in front of the TV, so that you can have a bit of free time?
You are going to meet God. I’m going to meet God. That’s serious. Do nothing that you will be ashamed of on that day.
Are you serious minded?
II. Second, wives are “to love their husbands” (verse 4).
A. A few words to single ladies.
Before I speak to married women, I want to address a few things to single ladies. You may wonder how this phrase of Scripture has anything to do with you. Well, it does.
1. First because as a Christian you are called to love.
To love is essentially to be selfless and sacrificial. There is a temptation, when you have no one else to please but yourself, to become self-centered, judgmental, and harsh. My challenge to you is to show selfless love in ministry to others in the church. Give yourself to the service of others. Don’t get comfortable—work hard to show tangible love to others. Why?
2. Because at any time, God may give you the gift of marriage, and you must be ready to love that husband should God work in that way. Proverbs 31 tells us that the virtuous woman does her husband “good and not evil [harm] all the days of her life” (verse 12). You never know if God will send you a husband in the future, and so you should be doing him good and not harm “all the days” of your life. What you are sowing now in these days of singleness could be a part of God’s design in blessing a future husband. And of course, you are to be bringing glory to the Lord no matter what your marital status is.
Now let me talk directly to the married ladies.
B. Married ladies should love their husbands.
What does it mean to “love” your husband?
1. This is a command. Paul back in Ephesians 5:25 told husbands to love their wives (as Christ loved the church), and here he gives a similiar command to wives. Since it is a command, for a wife not to love her husband is a sin.
2. This command is simple—not at all difficult to understand. There are no conditions or exceptions. It does not say that the husband must first be good and kind. It does not say that he must be saved and godly. It just says that if you are a Christian woman, whoever your husband is, whatever kind of a person he is, you are to love him.
So what does it mean to “love” your husband?
3. Paul is not referring to romantic love, although that has an important and proper place in marriage.
4. The term refers to willing, determined love that is not based on a husband's worthiness but on God's command. Married ladies, your love for your husband really is an extension of your affection for God and reveals whether or not you have an obedient heart.
I’ll say it again: even unlovable, uncaring, unfaithful, selfish, and ungrateful husbands are to be loved. This sort of love of husbands and wives for each other involves unqualified devotedness.
And when a wife does not truly love her husband she must, in obedience to the Lord, train herself to love him.
How is this love shown?
Time and attention! If your favorite cooking show is on, you give it time and attention. If God is doing a work of revival in your heart, you give God time and attention in the prayer closet, in His Word, and in service to the needy.
Review
1. Are you serious minded?
2. Are you selfless and others-centered?
III. Third, wives are to “love their children”.
Ken Ham quoted a statistic that the average parent spends about 30 minutes a day with their kids. That’s 23 and a half hours of a lot of other influences.
What do you do when you are with your children? Are they spending time with Jesus? Are they spending time with someone who loves Jesus? Does the person on the TV love Jesus? Do you struggle with sin because of media? It is an amazingly powerful influence. Media (internet, TV, ipod, PlayStation
Whether the children are their own offspring or adopted they are to be loved with a love that, like the love of spouses for each other, should be selfless and sacrificial.
A. A few words to single ladies or mothers not yet with children.
Whether or not you actually give birth, women are called to nurture the new life around them in various ways. You may have no children of your own, but there are children all around you in which you can invest. It may be the children in the church—supporting those who are already mothers. It may be investing in nieces and nephews. You don’t have to be a mother to be a lover of children! It takes planning to be involved in their lives, but it is worth it to cultivate those relationships.
Being a lover of children means you will need to sacrifice some of your “me” time. But that also means you will be the beneficiary of funny voicemail messages, elaborately drawn pictures, special "treasures" wrapped in thick layers of tissue and tape, and excited hugs when you see those children you’ve invested in. You may not be a mother, but that does not mean you cannot experience the thrills of motherhood.
B. Married ladies should love their children
1. This is a command.
As with love for their husbands, love for their children is not an option.
2. Not based on giftedness
It isn't based on the personality, intelligence, attractiveness or worthiness but on their need. The most important responsibility of love for believing parents is to lead their children to a saving knowledge of the everlasting love of Jesus Christ. Your child’s greatest acceptance will be found in Christ.
3. This command is all inclusive.
But Paul's admonition is inclusive. Mothers are to love their children in every way - practical, physical, social, moral, and spiritual - with a love that has no conditions and no limits. This kind of love, to be fully expressed, is extremely demanding as the mother seeks to fulfill her obligation to raise godly children (1 Timothy 2:15).
Guard their heart! (Application)
One of the most effective ways to love your child is to gather them together in your prayer closet. Now, when I say prayer closet, I do not mean a literal closet, I mean a private room where there will be no distractions. When you are in that room, cry out to God to work in your children. Teach your children the attributes of God while you thank God for His mercy, His justice, His all seeing eye and care for you. And show them how much you love them by crying out to God in brokenness for their salvation and holiness.
Charles Spurgeon was greatly influenced in this way. His father was a pastor, but away from the home much. But the prayers of Spurgeon's mother were the influence that first awakened him as a boy to the claims of Christ on his life. She would pray with her son at the youngest of age. This kind of praying always brings a harvest!!
Review
1. Are you serious minded?
2. Are you selfless and others-centered?
3. Are you a lover of children?
IV. Fourth, wives are to be sensible or discerning, “discreet”. This is the same quality that should characterize elders (1:8), all older men (2:2), and, in fact, all believers (2:12). Common sense and good judgment should improve with age, but they should be evident even in early adulthood.
TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO FISH
You can give a man a fish and feed him for a day, or you can teach him how to fish and feed him for a lifetime. God’s goal for your children is that they learn to fish for themselves. Their competence and intricate understanding of things is just fine when quoting sports scores and players or a million other minute data that they are interested in. Two centuries ago, it was common for teenagers to finish college by the age 19. They were essentially able to handle an entire household. Today, college students are addicted to juvenile things.
RABID DOGS AND SELFISHNESS
Instead, mothers have no discretion and give their children to the wolves of selfishness. Moms, if there were a rabid dog lose in your neighborhood, would you trust your children outside with that dog?
Yet we trust our children things that will not just inflict them physically, but will blind their eyes, and numb their souls to Christ.
Every Christian, if they are old enough to read, is to make it their responsibility to “meditate in the Law of the Lord day and night” (Psalm 1:2).
Let me take you on a journey to my college dorm room. To my surprise, as I entered for the first time to meet my new roommates beginning my second semester Junior year, they were all gathered around a Nintendo game.
Paul said “when I became a man, I put childish things away” (1 Corinthians 13:11). Video games are not reality, and I can think of no purpose for godliness in the life of a child, much less in the life of a teen, who is really a young adult. Do you see the worthlessness of childish entertainment?
This is from Forbes magazine, dated June 22, 2007: “Millions of U.S. children and adults obsessed with video games may suffer from a real addiction, according to a proposal up for debate by top U.S. doctors.” It goes on to say “"The concern came up because one of our psychiatrists here in Maryland was seeing older people who were losing their social contacts," specifically because of their overuse of video games, Wasserman said. "It was ruining their family life. So, it was not unlike gambling addictions or alcohol, where it was having a profound impact on the lives of individuals."
There is a Bible word for addiction to video games: it is selfishness. 2 Timothy 3:2, we learn that “men shall be lovers of their own selves”. Jesus said, “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 22:39).
John 4:34, “Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work.”
Mothers and fathers, are you discerning with what you give your children??
Review
1. Are you serious-minded?
2. Are you selfless and others-centered?
3. Do you love children?
4. Are you discerning?
V. Fifth, wives are to be pure, “chaste”. This refers primarily to moral purity, and, especially in this context, to sexual purity and marital faithfulness.
It has the idea of purity and self control.
A. To the single lady…
Remember Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 7:32, “But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord.”
To be “without carefulness” means to have as few earthly responsibilities as possible, specifically family responsibilities, so that you can serve the Lord.
It is important to exercise self control in the area of the mind. Your thoughts and your body belong to the Lord. Don’t go dating somebody in your mind. Be careful when you are talking to a single man. You know that Adam was asleep in the will of God when Eve came along. Wait on the Lord!
And above all things, NO physical contact until you are married!! I had a lady stop by here the other day who wanted a ride to the train station. I told her I couldn’t take her. I don’t ride alone in the car with another woman.
Keep yourself pure!!! In your mind and in your heart and in your body!
B. To the married lady…
Like all Christian women, young wives are "adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works" (1 Timothy 2:9-10). "Shamefacedness" refers to a healthy sense of shame at saying anything, doing anything, or dressing in any way that would cause a man to lust. "Sobriety" refers to moral control, to keeping passions, especially sexual passions, subdued. 1 Peter 3:3-6[1] gives similar instruction to women.
Review
1. Are you serious-minded?
2. Are you selfless and others-centered?
3. Do you love children?
4. Are you discerning?
5. Are you pure?
VI. Sixth, wives are to be workers “keeper at home”, or domesticated. One of the hardest things for many wives to do today is be satisfied with realizing that her ministry is primarily in the home.
A. Keeper or worker in the home.
Ladies, you need to learn to cook and sew and to decorate the home. We can joke about it, but if want to perpetuate godliness for a thousand generations, you must know how to cook and care for the home, and if God gives you daughters, they must learn to do the same. What’s so important about cooking, cleaning, and caring for the home? I’ll tell you—you want to have an atmosphere of godliness and order—which is a backdrop for the Gospel. And if you are taking your stewardship of the home casually, you need to repent. Commitment is hard. You don’t need to live in a palace. Your primary goal is to create order in the home so that godliness can prosper.
B. God requires faithfulness in a steward.
Your home is a stewardship. But managing the home is not just cooking and cleaning. There is also the spiritual nurturing in the home. You are the one who has most interaction with the children. You are forming their spiritual compass.
C. The greatest cause of coldness in the hearts of children is lukewarm mothers.
Mothers, I would recommend that you gather your children together and pray for their souls on a daily basis. In order to do that you need to be in touch with the Holy Spirit of God.
D. What about working outside the home?
There is nothing in Scripture that specifically forbids a woman from working outside the home as long as she is fulfilling her priorities in the home (Proverbs 31). But I would say for a married mother of small children, I would be very careful—part time work in special circumstances. I would say no way if there is any other way.
Personal Illustration: My mother divorced my father after 24 years. Why? She went to work and got independent. I saw a lady in our home church divorce her husband. This lady was one of my teachers in the Christian school. She went to work and became successful in finance. She became unfaithful in her marriage and ended up divorcing her husband.
E. God's primary calling for the married woman is to manage the home.
That is the most exalted place for a wife. The world is calling many modern women out of the home, but not the Lord. His Word portrays the woman's role as one preoccupied with domestic duties. It is a high calling, far more crucial to the future of a woman's children than anything she might do in an outside job.
A woman who is a mother obviously has primary responsibility in the home and would therefore not be free to pursue outside employment to the detriment of the home. In fact, from a parental perspective it is difficult to see how a mother could possibly do all that needs to be done in the home with the upbringing of children and work for the Lord (cf. 1 Timothy 5:3-14) and still work in an outside job. Indeed, any wife who fulfills God's priorities in her life and home will be a busy lady.
However, her children and her husband will rise up and call her blessed, and a woman who fears the LORD shall be praised (Proverbs 31:28,30)!
Review
1. Are you serious-minded?
2. Are you selfless and others-centered?
3. Do you love children?
4. Are you discerning?
5. Are you pure?
6. Are you domesticated?
VII. Seventh, wives are to be “good” or unconditionally kind, the meaning of which is obvious. They are to be gentle, and sympathetic, even with those who are undeserving and unkind to them. To be kind is to be godlike, "he [GOD] is kind", Jesus said, "unto the unthankful and to the evil" (Luke 6:35). Similarly, Paul admonishes believers to "be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you" (Ephesians 4:32).
Review
1. Are you serious-minded?
2. Are you selfless and others-centered?
3. Do you love children?
4. Are you discerning?
5. Are you pure?
6. Are you domesticated?
7. Are you kind?
VIII. Eighth and finally, wives are to be “obedient to their own husbands”.
Obedient: “The word ‘obedient’ was used to describe a company of soldiers as they stand at attention and salute their commander (Draper).
Like all other Christian wives, young wives are given the command in Ephesians 5:22: "submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing" (cf. 1 Tim. 2:11-14).
Before young mothers get discouraged, let me ask the married: is your husband succeeding for the Lord? Are you helping him? Are you doing all to make him a success, putting his agenda first?
And let me address all mothers. Let me ask you, do you realize when you feel you are going around in circles, you are a huge success just by being faithful to the stewardship God has given you. Stay faithful!! Sometimes the hours are tasteless and tedious, but don’t get discouraged. If you are living sold out for God, you are keeping the Word of God from being blasphemed!
Conclusion:
Review
1. Are you serious-minded?
2. Are you selfless and others-centered?
3. Do you love children?
4. Are you discerning?
5. Are you pure?
6. Are you domesticated?
7. Are you kind?
8. Are you obedient to authority?
Closing Hymn: 415 Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God
Video: The video I want to show you tonight I hope will awaken us to real, vital Christianity. Pastor Danny Sweatt who was an assistant at Bethel under Dr. Bumpus recommended to his missionaries a book by a man by the name of Jim Cymbala called “Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire”. Now this man is no fundamentalist, but I think he preaches a message that God has used and that we need to hear.
[1] 1 Peter 3:3-6, “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”