How to Raise a Rebel, Part 2
By Pastor Matt Black
23 May 2007
Midweek Bible Study
3 John 1:4
Introduction: Open your Bibles to 3 John 1:4. Tonight we are going to continue on our series of what you want to avoid in raising your children! So the title of this evening’s message is: “How to Raise a Rebel”.
3 John 1:4, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.”
IMPORTANCE OF THE TEACHING!
· Tonight’s teaching could mean the difference between your child entering into immorality one day.
· It could mean keeping your child from divorce and broken relationship after broken relationship
· Tonight’s teaching could be the difference between your child leaving church when he’s of age and never coming back, and him being an obedient follower of Christ!
So let’s review the first step that you want to avoid. This step will most surely give you great success in raising a rebel. If you want your child to be a burden to you and eventually a burden to society, this is what you need to do.
I. Step #1: Last week we learned if you want to raise a rebel, just do nothing.
We really need do nothing to raise a rebel. How is that you ask? The Scripture says your child is born with sufficient wickedness in him that he will rebel without you having to teach him anything. In other words, your child is born a rebel.
A. The Status Quo is scary: Have you been to the supermarket lately? Wal-mart? Have you heard how children act toward their parents? Most parents have no idea what to do with their children. And so, they do nothing. This is the most efficient and easiest way to raise a rebel.
B. Wicked from the Womb. Children are born with natural inborn depravity. We call it original sin. There is no age of innocence. It is better to say there is an age of accountability when the child is able to reason enough to accept the Gospel. But there is no age when the child needs to learn how to sin. He is born sinning. Psalm 58:3, David says it right, “The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies.” Estranged from who? From God! There is a great gulf fixed between your baby, your child and God!
C. David says in Psalm 51:5, “Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.” Bruce Ray comments, “What does he mean? David was shaped just as you and I were: in the womb of our mothers. As he developed within the womb, he developed organs capable of fulfilling the sinful intentions of his heart. As his arms and his legs were formed, and as his fingers were formed on the ends of his hands, he was shaped in his iniquity: fully prepared to come forth from the womb to obey the lusts of the flesh and to express his sinful nature.”[1] This is astounding! Jesus, when he spoke to the Pharisees said, “Ye are of your father the devil and the lusts of your father ye will do” (John 8:44). By saying this, Jesus was implying that all men without Christ have the natural inclinations and desires (lusts) of fallen angels—devils! That’s what we are facing!
So, if you want to raise a rebel—do nothing! “All we like sheep have gone astray” (Isaiah 53:6). Your child is born a rebel. Do nothing and he will remain that way.
II. Step #2: Second,we learned if you want to raise a rebel you need to give your child his way early and often.
In other words, you should make the child be his own authority whenever possible. When we do this is to turn the fifth commandment on its head. The fifth commandment states: “Honor thy father and thy mother”. If you want to raise a rebel, then from the earliest age, you should allow your children to rule the roost.
There are many ways that a child can exert his authority over his parents.
A. He can use cuteness. Cuteness teaches the child that he can get his way through his charm and good looks. Allow him to use that and you’ll raise an adult that does the same thing. Lying and cheating always work in the world of politics and corruption. If you allow your children to use cuteness to deceive, then you may raise a politician or a con man, but you will not raise a godly child.
Application: What is cute when a child is eight months old, is not cute when they are eight or eighteen years old. What you teach a child before they are a year old will save you years of headaches and heartaches!
B. Whining and fussing are very effective for the child to get his way. The tenth commandment is “Thou shalt not covet”. Whining and fussing to get one’s way is coveting. It should be met with a swift spanking. Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Betimes means early, or right away!
C. Your child can simply throw a tantrum to get his way. Children of the earliest ages can scream, hold their breath, and exhibit extreme anger. It needs to be met with a spanking or you will raise a rebel. This is one of the oldest and most trusted forms of rebellion. Again, Proverbs 13:24 is our guide: “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”
III. Step #3: Thirdly, if you want to raise a rebel Excuse your child’s behavior. We have lots of ways of excusing our child’s behavior.
We act as if it is just a genetic thing that our children disobey. You know our children grow, and we blame their behavior on many things.
“I’m Irish!”
“My father had a bad temper!” Yep, it all came from Adam.
A. We blame their behavior on their age.
1. My child has the “Ominous Ones”, the “Terrible Twos”, the Terrifying Threes.
2. My child is a teenager!
B. We can label their behavior as if it is a supposed chemical imbalance that there is no scientific test for.
1. ADD—Our children do not have attention deficit disorder, they have ODD! They have Obedience Deficit Disorder!
2. Hyper Active: When I was young, I was labeled hyper active. What I found out was that my parents did not reign me in.
Now there are some behavioral problems that are physical, and they can be corrected, but ADD and hyper activity are not one of them!
C. There’s a better diagnosis. Isaiah said (53:6): “All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way.”
IV. Step #4: Fourth, Never spank your children!.
A. Why Shouldn’t we spank? Because the world says so!
Psalm 1:1, “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly,” We need to stop listening to Oprah Winfrey, Dr. Phil, and Dr. Spock, and listen to Grandma and Grandpa who knew their Bibles well and raised 5 to 10 children just fine.
When the senior citizens today speak of spanking as being "the way we used to do it," remember, Grandma and Grandpa had been using a method that we have used from the beginning of time.
B. Statistic: In our day, instead of listening to Grandma and Grandpa, we commission studies to see if it is ok to spank. American Academy of Pediatrics, about 90 percent of U.S. parents spank, and about 59 percent of pediatricians in a survey said they support the practice. It is a amazing that we need to commission a study to see if spanking is ok. Grandma and Grandpa didn’t need a government survey. They used their Bible.
C. Scriptural Support.
You see Grandma and Grandpa knew Proverbs 22:15, “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”
Proverbs 29:15, “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” Correction and instruction are the way to love and protect you child
The truth of the matter is, if you do not through loving discipline teach your children the God given boundaries of respect and honor and obedience, if you don’t teach this to your child through instruction and correction, then the state and federal government will have to teach it to your child.
Instead, if you want to raise a rebel, don't ever discipline your child. Wait until they're in trouble, and let the penal system of the state and federal governments discipline them. Let the prisons and jails teach them that they cannot have their way all the time.
If you want to raise a rebel, then listen to Dr. Spock (who never raised a child in his life) and the other child psychologists, instead of the old timers who raised 5 or 10 children successfully!
V. Step #4: Fourth, teach your children that it’s ok to disobey just a little bit!. You can do this by counting to three when your child disobeys.
· “Johnny, don’t make me count to three!”
· “If I have to tell you ONE more time, you’re really going to get it!”
Whether it is one more time or a third time, what you are teaching your child is that it is not necessary to obey the First time.
Let me give you the Biblical formula for obedience. A child should obey:
1. Immediately
2. Sweetly
3. Completely
VI. Step #5: Use Lots of Bribes and Threats to get what you want from your child. Many parents do not know the Biblical balance of loving firmness and loving affirmation.
Ephesians 6:4 states that we are to bring our children up “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The phrase “bring them up” means “discipline” or “that which regulates their character.” We need to regulate their character with correction and encouragement.
Illustration: REGULATE the child’s life with the WORD, and with CORRECTION!! An underwater diver with an air pack must have a regulator!! Without a regulator, divers would suffocate and die underwater, or, they would blow up being pumped up with too much oxygen from their tank. A regulator must be part of their overall apparatus in order for them to breathe normally and to regulate their air while diving.
Sometimes instead of using the regulators of His Word, and discipline of the child, and LOTS of time, we simply vacillate between rewards and threats.
God desires parents to raise children in a normal Christian environment that always follows the commands of God’s Word. That means that parents regulate their children’s character and uses discipline to do that. If your child has a day in which he challenges you every ten seconds then you need to give your child the attention he deserves! It does not make you mean, in fact it shows that you are loving, and godly and committed!!
Discipline, though, is not simply regulating their character by correction, but also by instruction. This is where parents teach their children the difference between right and wrong.
A. Bribing is not necessary.
Our reward ought to be the WELL DONE of our father!
Our reward ought to be that we’ve done God’s will!
Instead of bringing a God-consciousness to the home, it is just easier to bribe our children.
We can bribe indulge our children for doing good first very subtly just by our attitude. Indulgence is a form of manipulation. Manipulation can take positive and negative forms. We as parents can easily fall into the trap of constantly bribing or threatening our children concerning their behavior.
Now obviously there are times of special achievement that merit extra special praise, i.e. rewarding them for potty training, learning a new skill, etc. But nothing ought to be indulged—the child needs to remember that God wants us to grow up to be like His Son. The only motive your child needs for good behaviour is that it pleases God. The child should glorify God with his life.
This is your as well as your child’s reasonable service. When your child reflects God’s goodness in his life, we should not overly indulge the child as if he’s done something exceptional. We are commanded to obey God. That is all of our reasonable service. After it is all over, we have done nothing special. We have obeyed God like we ought. In the end we are all “unprofitable servants”. Instead of indulging good behavior, we should expect good behaviour. And we should encourage them from the Bible that they have pleased God.
B. Annoyance and threats are on the other end of the spectrum. Some parents instead of disciplining their children by graciously and lovingly spanking them, they become annoyed with their children. Annoyance is NOT a fruit of the Spirit, and just as you should not be annoyed with an adult or fellow brother in the Lord, you should never be annoyed with your children.
1. Screaming at the child. This annoyance at the worst level can lead to SCREAMING at the child. Sadly, many parents use screaming and intimation and think they are forming their children.
Screaming NEVER helps or forms a child. It only injures a child. That child will definitely stay away from the church doors if all you do is yell and scream. He will go where he thinks people care about him. Many times this sadly ends up being in the bars, the immorality, etc.
2. Being annoyed with your child is very dangerous. It is a disrespect of your child. You should always remember that your child is not yours, he or she is God’s. Your child is on loan to you. Disrespecting your child can lead you to act horribly to him or her, like:
· Yelling, shouting, raising your voice
· Threatening. For example, “If you don’t clean your room, you are in big trouble.”
· Humiliation. “I can’t believe you—you are such a failure.” Or if the child is younger, “You are a bad boy / girl”.
3. What is this annoyance and where does it come from? Actually it is a form of self-righteousness. We say “I would NEVER do that” but all that’s really true is that we are either really dense, or we have a very short memory!
VII. Step 7: Do not give your children any duties or responsibilities.
A. Don’t teach your children the work ethic.
Do it all for them. Then they'll think this world owes them a living. They'll quickly join the crowd of grown up babies shouting, “I've got my rights,” rather than those who are men and women enough to fulfill their responsibilities.
B. Defend your child at all costs. Your child will not only be a rebel, but he will you can confirm your child in his rebellion if you will simply do one thing. Next time your child disobeys, you need to say, “But my little Absolom would neeeeeevvvvvveeer do that!”
Always take the child's side. Other parents, and leaders and teachers simply have got it "in" for your little angel. Understand that your child can do no wrong. If you want to raise a rebel, simply expect every one to have the same opinion of your little saint! They should already know that your child would NEVER do any wrong.
Another way to make sure your child learns no personal responsibility is
C. Never say NO to your child. Buy them whatever they want. Buy something for them every time you go into a store.
If you give your child what he or she wants, then they will be used to having every appetite of theirs fulfilled immediately.
When they grow older and develop natural sexual appetites, they will have been trained by you to seek immediate fulfillment. Teen pregnancy or children addicted to alcohol and even drugs shouldn't really surprise the parent then.
Sooo... give them everything they ask for while they are kids.
D. Teach them that life is all about them being entertained!! Keep them away from reality as much as possible.
They don’t need to learn about hard work, helping their neighbor, and earning a living in society. Just keep them away from reality. Let them have lots of TV, iPods, let them surf the Internet for long periods of time.
Let them live in fantasy all of their lives. Brats and rebels need entertainment! A life of comfort and ease produces high-class brats. They won't know how to deal with reality or real people, but maybe they'll just go into seclusion rather than becoming contentious or hostile. It's usually one or the other.
VIII.Step 9: Ninth, give your children no example. Yell, scream. And when they do wrong, don’t tell them the way they need to go.
IE slamming of the door.
Conclusion: Do you want to raise an obedient child of God? You need to let your child see the loving correcting hand of our Heavenly Father! They need to see that one day we are going to give an account. 2 Corinthians 5:10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.
It also takes a serious time commitment. Close with example of taking time with children to spank and admonish. Give children examples.
Closing Hymn: 109 Great Is Thy Faithfulness