How to Raise a Pharisee, Part 3
By Pastor Matt Black
28
March 2007
Midweek Bible Study
Matthew 23:23-33
Introduction: Open your Bibles to Matthew 23. We’ll be looking at just ten verses tonight—verses 23 through 33. We will be in various passages tonight, but we will begin in Matthew 23. Tonight we begin a two part series that will continue through next week entitled: “How to Raise a Pharisee”.
We have been looking at a 12 step program in raising a Pharisee in your home. The fearful thing is that some here tonight may be well on their way into the program.
Last week we looked at:
1. Step #1: If you want to raise a Pharisee, Major on the external instead of internal issues. We look at the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5-7, and we see that Pharisees are big on keeping God’s Law. That’s important. Jesus didn’t condemn the Pharisees for keeping His Law, He condemned them for keeping it at a surface level. Man looks on the outside, but God looks on the heart.
It is so easy to control behavior without dealing with the real issues of the heart. Dealing with behavior instead of the heart is like giving a child pain killers for his deformed and broken leg, when in reality you need surgically reconstruct the bone and set his leg.
We are naturally prone to get upset at our children’s behavior, when instead we need to bring Scripture –the Bible to bear on their hearts. Psalm 19:7, “The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul”.
2. Step #2: If you want to raise a Pharisee, Use Excessive control. This step has the idea of micromanaging our children. Many parents want to take the place of the Holy Spirit, and instead of using the Word of God to gently convert the soul of the child, the parent becomes the Holy Spirit of God and uses manipulation, excessive control, fear, and an overbearing spirit to produce the desired behavior. There is no need to depend on the Word of God and prayer for the overbearing parent. He or she always seems to get the desired behavior through excessive control.
Tonight we are looking at ten additional steps.
3. Step #3: If you want to raise a Pharisee, Overreact to Failure (seek Perfectionism)
You must allow your children the freedom to fail. In the Word of God, human success is not the goal; pleasing God is the goal! Failure is not the end of the world. You must see failure as an opportunity for instruction. Yet many parents live in FEAR of failure—and thus they become excessive controllers. Some parents are living their lives over again vicariously through their children and are demanding perfection!
The home is where failure should provide a great opportunity for training. Where encouragement and support flourish, there is the ability to see the lessons of life with clarity. Otherwise, you may drive your child to hopelessness and despair.
4. Step #4: If you want to raise a Pharisee, Replace Godliness with Grouchiness! Two fruits of grouchiness: unforgiving spirit and impatience. Instead of living a crucified life, we are with the fruit of the Spirit, we are trying toward the righteousness of God through our wrath.
James 1:20 For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
A grouchy/irritable parent, frustrated over everything that goes wrong.
Galatians 5:22-24, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. 24 And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.”
Instead of a home that is filled with joy, there is an oppressive, negative atmosphere. Sinful choices by your children definitely need to be dealt with. But make sure there is a visible end to the consequences, with the home thus returning to a pleasant atmosphere of peace and tranquility.
5. Step #5: If you want to raise a Pharisee, Elevate preference over biblical principle. Mark 7:7 “Howbeit in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.”
There is ultimately ONE commandment. If we love God with all our heart, we would love our neighbor—we need that relationship with God.
Some parents are prone to emphasize rules that really don't reflect a relationship with God at all. In fact, rules replace a relationship with God and become idolatrous.
6. Step #6: If you want to raise a Pharisee, Practice unnecessary Separatism– This is a direct consequence of step 5. When we elevate preferences over Biblical principle, then whoever doesn’t follow our man made rules is probably not a Christian any way.
Pharisees love to put stigmas on people that don’t agree with them. Since they are self-righteous, they look down on others. No one can do right. We are the only ones on the planet that really have it right! This attitude is poisonous and easily transmitted to our children.
Sometimes this attitude is transmitted by criticism especially of other believers or of leaders in the church. Let’s remember to meet people where they are; that love covers a multitude of sins, and that we are not perfect or made righteous in our selves! We are robed in the righteousness of Christ. The ground is level at the cross!
7.
Step #7: If
you want to raise a Pharisee, Substitute standards for spirituality
We see this in Matthew 23 and verse 23 , “Woe unto you, scribes and
Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have
omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith:
these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.”
A. Explanation:
What does Christ say? Paying a tithe is good. You ought not to leave paying a tithe undone. It’s a good thing. But it is not a fruit of genuine spirituality. Paying a tithe does not make you a Christian! You need to understand the weightier matters of the law:
· Judgment: the fact that you are in danger of eternal judgment! You are going to stand before God one day!
· Mercy: You are in need of God’s mercy!
· Faith: You need to repent of your sin and put your faith in Christ.
In other words, this is acting as if one becomes a Christian by following a
certain set of rules. Good works come as a fruit of faith, but you cannot
substitute standards for true spirituality!
B. Application.
Good behaviour does not equal true spirituality!
Many parents believe if their children have the right amount of verses memorized, says the sinner’s prayer, dress the right way, read from the right Bible translation, etc, then their child must be a Christian! Listen, lots of “good children” and lots of “good people” will populate the Lake of Fire.
The quickest way to fill the church with lost people is for parents to bring their children into the church based on good behaviour instead of a genuine spirituality! Our churches are filled with people who behave well! But what measuring the fruit of the Spirit in our children’s lives? Do they have a hunger and a thirst for God? Do they pray because they themselves have a connection to God, or do they do it out of obligation to some standard you’ve set up?
Good behaviour will never justify your child. All the good standards in the world will not balance out one of your child’s sins. That is why we want to do all we can to bring our children into an encounter with the Living God! If we don’t we will tend to have a set of man made rules that makes a person a Christian. There is no magic formula for salvation. If I press Button “A” and do “Y” while not doing “X” then I’m a Christian! No! We must introduce our children to the Living God.
C. Illustration: Remember that God looks on the heart. I remember the first time I walked into a Fundamental Baptist church. I had long hair—my best pair of jeans on with the hole in the knee. I had a gigantic wooden cross hanging around my neck. I never took it off. Oh, and by the way, I loved the Lord with all my heart! I found out that people immediately thought I was lost and began praying for my salvation. That’s a wonderful thing. But let’s remember—having the right hair cut and the right clothes does not mean someone is saved. Having what is in our opinion the wrong dress standards or the “wrong” haircut does not mean someone is lost!
What many of those people didn’t know about me was that I was addicted to my Bible and I loved to walk with my Lord in prayer. They could not fathom someone that looked like me had a relationship with God! That’s where we go wrong!
Restatement: Don’t misunderstand—Christians do grow in grace. The outside will eventually begin to match the inside. Their outward appearance becomes less important. They will stop trying to impress people with the way they dress, and dress simply. But NO AMOUNT of outward standards can replace spirituality.
8.
Step #8: If
you want to raise a Pharisee, Use Spiritual Smokescreens
The Lord says in verse 14 of Matthew 23, “Woe unto you, scribes
and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows’ houses, and for a pretence
make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation.”
Explanation: At the very heart of a Pharisee is self love. They would take advantage of all the worldly delights while covering it with a spiritual smokescreen. Pharisaical parents use God to cover their love for this world.
They would pray long prayers, but behind closed doors, their love for their own comfort came out. They would neglect and even take advantage of the most helpless (widows) to serve their purposes.
Application: The Pharisaical parent has a lukewarm love for God. They can turn it on and turn it off. Pharisees can give the most moving testimonies, not because they love God, but because they will look so spiritual in the eyes of men.
Our children are not stupid. They can see if Christianity is real. They know if something is real it is costly and consistent. There are professing Christian parents that serve the Lord at church but don’t know Him at home. Christian service can be a puff of smoke. Everything seems fine at church, but at home—and perhaps in your heart of hearts, you want what the world wants.
Ø You watch the same television shows the world does.
Ø You laugh at crass humor just as the world does
Ø You yell and scream at your children just like the world
Ø Deep in your heart you want the same comforts as the world—you are not willing to suffer for Christ.
Ø You can’t spend 5 minutes a night begging God to open your eyes and the eyes of your children, but you will spend 2 empty, wasted hours watching a Hollywood movie!
It is easy to worship God at church, but when it really costs us something like time and comfort, we are not willing to labor with God in prayer for our children! Do you gather your children around you on your knees and plead with them to trust in God, and then on your knees worship God at His throne?
A Pharisaical parent is not sold out to God—they just want to flirt with the things of God. There is no real bedrock commitment. Pharisaical parents want to use God as a smoke screen.
We can very easily teach our children that God is someone we use for our own purposes. How does this happen? It’s subtle.
Examples:
· We are willing to do the will of God as long as it doesn’t inconvenience us. We don’t want to suffer. We want the benefits of God, but we don’t want to do His will when it costs us something!
· Sure, we are willing to give to missions, go evangelizing, etc., as long as it doesn’t interrupt my comfort too much. I want the benefits of God, but I don’t really want to suffer for Him.
Have your children seen that you are willing to serve God
9.
Step #9: If
you want to raise a Pharisee, Make molehills into mountains—to the Pharisaical parent, every
issue is a fighting issue. Look at verse 24: “Ye blind guides, which
strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel.”
The Pharisees were ready to make a big deal out of the smallest things.
This is being judgmental about other families, about things going on in the church; being critical of everything, constantly fault-finding, producing a constant rain of criticism.
It is so easy to criticize others
isn’t it? Matthew 7:3-5 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in
thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? 4
Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye;
and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? 5 Thou hypocrite, first cast
out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out
the mote out of thy brother’s eye.
When you do this in front of children, you’re developing that judgmental spirit
in them.
As the child watches you take on every wrong thing in the church, every example
of wrong thinking in others, they learn the lifestyle of a criticizer!
What we ought to show our children is I Corinthians 13.
Ø Verse 1: Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
Ø Verses 5-7: [Charity] thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Ø Verse 8: Charity never fails.
1 Peter 4:8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.
Conclusion: Just 3 more steps, but as we close tonight, let me ask you—is there a real spirituality in your life?
Closing Hymn: 532 Christ Receiveth Sinful Men