How to Raise a Pharisee, Part 1
By Pastor Matt Black
14
March 2007
Midweek Bible Study
Matthew 23:23-33
Introduction: Open your Bibles to Matthew 23. We’ll be looking at just ten verses tonight—verses 23 through 33. We will be in various passages tonight, but we will begin in Matthew 23. Tonight we begin a two part series that will continue through next week entitled: “How to Raise a Pharisee”.[1]
None of us wants to raise a Pharisee. We’ve thought about hypocrisy and legalism in a church context, but tonight I want to look at how this relates to parenting. May the Lord spare us from hypocrisy in our homes! Look now at our text in Matthew 23, beginning with verse 23.
Matthew 23:23-33, “Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone. 24 Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel. 25 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess. 26 Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also. 27 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men’s bones, and of all uncleanness. 28 Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity. 29 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! because ye build the tombs of the prophets, and garnish the sepulchres of the righteous, 30 And say, If we had been in the days of our fathers, we would not have been partakers with them in the blood of the prophets. 31 Wherefore ye be witnesses unto yourselves, that ye are the children of them which killed the prophets. 32 Fill ye up then the measure of your fathers. 33 Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?”
What an ugly picture the Lord has given us. We wouldn’t have seen what the Lord saw. When you looked at the Pharisees outward appearance what you saw were beautiful, wonderful people. Man can’t see to the heart, and we remember that “man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). These Pharisees looked awesome on the outside!
We are so often deceived by religiosity and “churchianity” because we look on the outward, but when Jesus saw these people, even though they looked so beautiful on the outside, what he saw was very ugly. We must not be confused with the outward appearance. Yet as parents, we are not only confused, we think our children are doing fine because they look fine on the outside, but we may be guilty of raising little Pharisees in our home.
Ø You see Pharisees love to make the outside appearance “clean” (verse 25)
Ø Jesus said they “indeed appear beautiful on the outward” (verse 27)
Ø Yet the Lord said despite all their beauty, there was no way they could “escape the damnation of hell” (verse 33).
You see God does not look on our outside—he looks inwardly at the heart. Tonight and next week, we are going to look at 12 steps in raising a Pharisee, but first let’s get a look at the background on who the Pharisees were and where did they come from?
I. So first, let us ask ourselves, just Who were the Pharisees? We think of a very bad picture when we think of a Pharisee, but they actually had good goals that were corrupted into self-centered religiosity. Look at the first thing that identified the Pharisees.
1. They believed strongly in the doctrine of Separation.
The Pharisees (along with the scribes) were the original legalists. Pharisee means “separated one”. They prided themselves in their denunciation of impure and ungodly elements. Sounds like a good thing right?!
One of the key Bible verses that they lived by was Leviticus 11:45 (“ye shall therefore be holy, for I am holy.”). This was the life verse of the Pharisee.
2. They began with pure Motives. The Pharisees had no greater task than to protect and propagate the laws of God. They had so much respect for the original set of Scriptures and wanted to protect them so desperately that they started adding to them. After a while, it seemed not only helpful to make additions, but also absolutely essential. These rules, as part of the oral law, became even more important to the Pharisees than God’s commandments.
3. They had right Doctrine. Jesus makes clear that the problem with the Pharisees was not their doctrine. They were fundamental in their doctrine. He says in Matthew 23:2-3, “The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat: 3 All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not.” They could pass any theology exam of their day. They insisted that the educational system be based exclusively on the Scriptures.
Illustration: This continues to this day. When I was in Spain, I met several Jewish people that had come right from fighting in the Israeli army—women included. Each of them had been raised in the Law of the Old Testament, with vast portions of the Old Testament Scriptures memorized. This reformation began with the Pharisees. So, though the Pharisees had many fatal flaws, their doctrine was not one of them.
Historical side note: You might be wondering how the Pharisees began. Remember that at the time of the exile and captivity of Israel and later Judah, the land was filled with idols. Pluralism was the dominant religion of the day. Israel and Judah were exiled and God began to bring His people back through Ezra. And so the philosophical and religious forerunner of the Pharisees is Ezra, whose intense devotion to the Scriptures (Ezra 7:10) set the standard for the scribes and Pharisees. Tradition tells us that Ezra was the first to use the synagogue to gather people locally for Scripture reading. Ezra had an intense desire to communicate the Word of God to the common people, and he affected great changes for the good in Jewish culture. So the Pharisees began well, and they were quite right in doctrine. They were the super naturalists of their day. They held to the literal resurrection from the dead and in angels, and in a literal heaven and hell. The Sadducees on the other hand were the naturalists—they believed at the end we are all annulated. So the Pharisees were the Puritans and Fundamentalists of their day! They were right on doctrinally.
4. Not only did they have right doctrine, they were willing to Contend for the faith, and they did. They protested the corruption of religion and resisted the humanism (Hellenism) of their day. They had a huge “culture war” with their own society, and you will notice the idols that so plagued the people of Israel before the captivity now were no where to be found. That was due in large part to these Pharisees. They were religious reformers. They were puritanical when it came to living holy lives. If the Pharisees were around in our day in Christianity, we would all be greatly impressed with them!
1. Their greatest Problem was they took their eyes off of God and began comparing themselves with one another.
Christ said in Matthew 15:8, “This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.”
Application: The counterparts to the Pharisees today are the people who are afraid to allow Christians bypass the heart and put a high emphasis on standards without addressing heart issues first. Because the heart is bypassed, Pharisees will always add their own man made rules, regulations, and standards to biblical principles.
Ø Now, understand, the problem is NOT with having standards or traditional practices. In fact I would say they are absolutely necessary for holiness. But standards are not cookie cutters for good Christians. God is the only one that can make us good, and that takes place deep in the human heart.
Ø Without a change in the heart all we are doing is replacing spirituality with superficial human righteousness. The fruit of righteousness must always come from the heart.
Jesus said in John 4:24, “God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.” Those who worship God worship Him in Spirit and in truth. Take true spirituality away from worship, and all you have is a bunch of rules. Take the presence of God away, and sincere love and heart felt devotion from worship, and your worship, no matter how orthodox, becomes idolatrous.
The moment you reduce God to a set of rules, you have become a Pharisee!!
2. Jesus had a lot of horrible names for the Pharisees because He saw their hearts!
Ø Hypocrites
Ø Blind guides
Ø Blind Pharisee
Ø Whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men’s bones
Ø Full of hypocrisy and iniquity
Ø Serpents
Ø Generation of vipers
So the Pharisees were judgmental, prideful; they didn't differentiate between traditions and God's commands. And they were hypocritical, since they couldn't really live out what they taught.
Now I want to emphasize that our message tonight is not about how to deal with legalism in the church¼instead, we want to look at how this relates to parenting. I want to note some practices—12 of them—that if you follow these in your approach to parenting, you will increase the probability of raising a Pharisee.
II. So here is a 12-step program to raising a Pharisee. Tonight we will get to two or three and save the rest for next week.
1. Step #1: Major on the external instead of internal issues. This is majoring on controlling the child's behavior without using Scripture and prayer to deal with his heart. (See the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5-6).
This will produce a Pharisee—everything looks good on the outside, but inwardly he is corrupt (Matthew 23:23-24, 27-28).
A. Don’t think just because he behaves well that your child is saved! As he grows to adulthood, he has all his table manners and "yes, sirs" in place, but that doesn't mean he knows Christ.
· We cannot equate simple adherence to external regulations with a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. For example, in Luke 18:9-30 we have the story of the rich young ruler who was certainly behaving well, but also certainly lost—dead in trespasses and sins.
· The Christian life is about a relationship, not rules! Paul says in Colossians 2 and the beginning of chapter 3 that the basis of our faith is much more than rules such as “Touch not; taste not; handle not; 22 Which all are to perish with the using”. He says these things have a “shew of wisdom in will worship, and humility, and neglecting of the body” (Colossians 2:21-23). But our goal should instead of will worship should be a heart worship that touches the affections and the will. Paul says in that third chapter of Colossians in verses 1 and 2, “If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. 2 Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.”
B. In one sense, external controls have little or nothing to do with the final outcome of a child's heart. Remember Paul was a blameless Pharisee. His behaviour was extraordinary. He says in Philippians 3:6, “touching the righteousness which is in the law, blameless.”
Application: Many people whose upbringing was without a Christian influence have come to faith in Christ and now enjoy the privileges of useful ministry. The point is if the heart is not reached, good behaviour will send your child to hell just as well as bad behaviour.
C. Take Time to reach your child’s heart!
Don’t for "quick fixes" to issues. Get to the heart issues in your child. Work the Law into your child’s heart and let the heavy conviction of the Schoolmaster bring your child to Christ. Don't settle for superficial repentance by your child.
So Step #1 is to major on behaviour while neglecting the heart. Let’s look at Step #2.
2. Step #2: Use Excessive control
Instead of “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) by the converting power of the Holy Spirit, this parent uses excessive control to get desired behaviour.
Explanation: This step is where the parent takes the place of the Holy Spirit, and instead of using the Word of God to gently convert the soul of the child, the parent becomes the Holy Spirit of God and uses manipulation, excessive control, fear, and an overbearing spirit to produce the desired behavior. Again, in this step the goal is also not the heart, but behaviour.
A. What does this look like?
Ø Rules and Restrictions. This might be manifested by the creation of too many rules and restrictions, rules that are pointless, or rules that are harsh and too strict.
Ø An Overbearing Spirit. Yet control may not have a ton of rules, but instead an overbearing spirit of intimidation. These kinds of parents can be like a walking minus sign, saying no to everything.
Ø The Test. How can you test this? One way is this: Can you give loving correction? Are you using the tone of your overbearing voice / intimidation / or fear to get your way, or are you using the loving truth of the Word of God to form your child’s character? There is a major difference! The Bible command for all our communication is to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). The goal is not that we would get our way, but that we would be a vessel and a channel for God to use to form their precious souls for His glory.
We are to give an answer to every man in the spirit of meekness and fear Peter says. This is often used in the area of apologetics, but we are constantly giving an answer and girding up the faith of our children, and this also must be done in a spirit of gentleness and reverence. You ought to love and respect your child as someone given to you by God and made in the image of God. But some parents want their way more than they want to please God.
B. How can we avoid this kind of excessive control?
Ø Avoid micromanaging your children's life, telling them every little thing they must do.
Ø Depending on the child's age, give responsibilities and freedoms and urge them to please God and exercise their faith in Christ in every situation. If you try to control and micromanage everything a child thinks and does, why would they ever need to turn to God? Micromanagement builds accountability only to yourself instead of God.
Ø Instead, you want to create a God-consciousness.
Don't seek to be the ultimate authority. You are not the ultimate authority, God is. Remind them of this often. Really only two rules are needed and should be emphasized over and over again.
· Please God. (Love, glorify, honor God)
· Honor Father and Mother (Do not defy your immediate authority)
Let them live in the presence of God. Speak often of seeing Jesus face to face. Let them see you walk with God. This means you are going to be confessing sin before your family on a regular basis. This means you are going to be sharing what the Spirit through the Word is doing in your life spontaneously.
Ø You must teach them how to think for themselves. They must evaluate their own lives on their own by the guidance of the Spirit. Otherwise, they grow up only knowing how to live by a set of rules and dos and don'ts. You must bring a spirituality and God-consciousness to their thinking. Without this they will be left as Pharisees!
Ø Major on the majors. Parents who use excessive control often “strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel” (Matthew 23:24). I’ve seen parents obsess over their children using anger and manipulation to get their way. Usually the issue is something good.
· Being on time
· Wearing the right clothes
· Doing well in School
· Behaving rightly at the dinner table
· Sitting still in church
The main issue to being excessive in your control is being too focused on minor details and becoming too upset when these details are not handled properly (turning off lights, closing doors, etc.). Yes, I want to train my child in these things, but these just aren't the most important things in the world.
Major on the majors! Can I tell you something? These are all superficial issues. The major is that we should please God with from our hearts.
Application: Are you overbearing on superficial things? Externals are superficials. Go for the heart and watch God change their behaviour! Don't make mountains out of molehills!
Transition:
Step 1: Aim for Behaviour instead of the heart.
Step 2: Use Excessive control and Manipulation instead of the Holy Spirit.
Next week we are going to look at the next 10 steps of raising a little Pharisee. Let’s briefly look at number three before we close.
3. Step #3: Overreacting to failure (Perfectionism)
You must allow your children the freedom to fail. In the Word of God, human success is not the goal; pleasing God is the goal! Failure is not the end of the world. You must see failure as an opportunity for instruction. Yet many parents live in FEAR of failure—and thus they become excessive controllers. Some parents are living their lives over again vicariously through their children and are demanding perfection!
Conclusion: I hope the goal of your home is that Mother and Father and child will all please God and serve others from the heart. Is your heart connected to your service, to your standards, and to your worship of God? Do your children love God out of a pure heart, or are they Pharisees? Is your goal the superficials or the heart? By God’s grace let’s have a God-focused, God-saturated atmosphere in our home, and let’s all aim at the hearts of our children!
Closing Hymn: 371 A Passion for Thee
[1] Note: Much of the historic data on the Pharisees was gathered from Extreme Righteousness by Tom Hovestol (Moody Press: Chicago, 1997). Also, some of my outline and spiritual applications for children below were adapted from Carey Hardy’s presentation on the same subject at the 2006 Shepherd’s Conference at Grace Church in Sun Valley, California.