Abdication and Debt

The area of finances causes more trouble in marriage than any other. (Of course the real cause of marriage trouble is sin. The unwillingness of the marriage partners to be what God expects them to be in the relationship.) But the area of finances adds enormous stress to a new marriage especially. In this day and age of increased taxation from local government, the cost of housing, peer pressure to “keep up with the Jones’, and our obsession with “instant gratification” young couples and singles alike are in incredible debt. It is not uncommon to find a young adult in his 20’s to be 10, 20 even $30,000 in credit card or department store debt! They Finance their furniture, their car stereo, their home entertainment center, some clothes, go out to dinner too often, take a vacation, go to movies or a ball game. All of this on credit cards! They buy it 90 days same as cash or make no payment until June 2007! After 6 months they don’t even have most of the stuff they bought with the debt. Many of the expenditures were entertainment related and there is nothing to show for it at all.

Young people get on their own and they want to have the lifestyle of their parents immediately. They think they are owed this lifestyle. They do not consider that it took their parents 20 years of work and sacrifice to get where they are! This self centered, instant gratification obsession will keep you from obtaining real quality in life.

I used to tell my kids when they were small, “If you wait and save a little linger you can buy something nice that is important and that will last and be useful for many years or you can spend the $2 in your pocket that you have now and get a little plastics useless trinket that has no value, will not be useful longer than 12 minutes and will surely bring disappointment. If fact it may even break before you learn how to use it!

What did they chose? Too often one of them chose immediate gratification. It was as if their pocket was on fire and if they did not get rid of that money in their pocket life would end immediately!

We must learn delayed gratification and we must always fight against the temptation to covet things. If you can afford it and need it buy it. If you cannot afford it and need it, wait on God and work for it. God has promised to meet all your needs.

Covetousness and the desire for instant gratification lead to the burden of debt. This debt places great stress on the marriage.

Where does abdication come in?

The husband is responsible for the finances Period! (even if the wife does the books) Husbands this is part of your responsibility as the manager of the home. That is what a husband is remember? Whether you do the bookkeeping or she does, you are responsible for the expenditures. Manage your spending and your wives spending. If your financial lives fall apart, it does not matter who caused it! The issue is it fell apart! That is what you are commanded to prevent through proper stewardship and leadership of your wife and home.
Wives, submission includes the area of money. This is a difficult area for some wives because you think this is an area where you have power, or independence, or you cannot possibly trust your husband to actually lead. The area of finances is where you can put your money where you mouth is. If you say you are submitted to the leadership of the man God has given you to then prove it! He is responsible so let him lead. It is easy for a woman to get the man to do his part in the area of leadership really. Just STOP leading! He will be forced to lead if you stop. As long as you keep stepping in there and usurping, he will stay out of the drivers seat. (I can not stress that enough)
Live within means
Do not substitute giving of things for the sacrificial love called for in the Eph. 5. You can not neglect your wife and think by buying her things you can not afford you will make up for it! That doesn’t work! It only creates more pressure on you to be the man you are supposed to be.

Proverbs 22:7 When you get that credit card application in the mail get mad! (In a Godly way) They are trying to make you their servant. Why would you enslave yourself? The sorrow of the payment is still there long after the excitement of the purchase has ceased!

1 Cor 7:23 Jesus has made us free from being enslaved to men.

Pornography

Lies about sexuality; indicates that men and women approach sex the same way. This is totally false! Men and women view sex very differently. Men have a strong desire and need for the physical aspects but women really have a need for security.

CS Lewis said, “If you interviewed 1000 men who were promiscuous you would find 1000 men who lack self control in the area of sexual temptation. If we interviewed 1000 promiscuous women you would not find 1000 women who have a sexual problem but 1000 women who had a security problem!” They are not really looking for sexual satisfaction but rather emotional security. They are promiscuous because they get the masculine attention they crave.

It is important dads for you to be the masculine figure in your daughter’s life. Pay attention to her, treat her special. You want her to find that security in you versus elsewhere.

It is addictive; Pornography is like a drug that will overtake you and destroy you.

It ruins lives, even beyond marriages. Lots of history on this now where pornography is involved in all kinds of heinous acts by perverted people. There is no limit to the depravity capable of the human mind left to come to fruition in sin. Hey, looking out his window upon Bathsheba was King David’s internet. Do you like the way that all turned out? Did he? Great sorrow!

1 Cor 6:13b-20 Verse 18 says fornication is a sin against your own body! You say I did not fornicate I just looked. Jesus said if you lust after a women you have committed adultery with her in your heart. Stop!

Criticism

Don’t criticize your spouse in public. Wives, build up your man and help him as the helpmeet. They need your encouragement. I hope someday Dawn can go through a series with the women in this church using the book titled “Woman, the assembler”.

Now men, don’t fall into the trap of fishing for compliments like this one guy did;

There was a church member one time that filled in for the Pastor one Sunday morning to preach. After the message the a nice little old lady came up to him and said, “You are a model preacher.” Well the man’s wife was there and heard it. Everyday after that the man would ask his wife, “What did that lady say about me last Sunday?” His wife would say’ “You are a model preacher honey.” Well this went on for several days where the man asked her the same question every day. Well finally she grew tired of it and one day he asked again, “What did that lady say about my preaching again?” His wife said, “She said you were a model Preacher honey. Oh by the way, I looked that word Model up in the dictionary and it means “small imitation of the real thing.” Don’t go fishing for compliments. That is repulsive.

Men, love and protect your wives.

When discussing an issue remember that “Always” and “never” are attack words; Be careful to factually discuss the issue giving praise for what is good and honest council of feedback on what is not good. Approach arguments or disagreements unselfishly (not trying to win) Remember that when your wife loses, you lose. (The 2 are one flesh)

Be quick to listen, slow to speak (even when attacked). If you listen to your spouse’s position, they can never say, “You never listen.” It also ensures you fully understand their position. Then if you have a different point of view, at least they know you considered their view versus just wanted to make your point.

You don’t have to say everything. You do not need to confess every temptation. You do need to confess sin but temptation is not sin. We are all tempted constantly. If we confessed all our temptations we would only be talking about our temptation all the time. That in itself would create a temptation!

Jealousy

God is a jealous God (Ex. 34); we are to be jealous as husbands on behalf of our wives.

Not a ticket to manipulation; to be wielded for our wife’s good, not our selfishness or ego

Of their purity. Protect them.

Of their health (physical and emotional) Care for them.

It is a protective role, and all women are in need of this protection. Women are called to submit to their own husbands. This is a protection from submitting to other men.

The exception is to be under the authority of church leaders for their spiritual care, not to teach men or usurp authority over men in the leadership of the church. God has commanded that the men stand up and lead the church of God. But other than that Godly Jealousy is a protection against our wives submitting to any other man. We need to be jealous for our wives. There is not a married woman in here that, if another man was showing interest in her, would not want you to take notice and be jealous for her. The last thing she would want to hear is, “I don’t care.” She is not interested in him but it is nice to know you care enough to protect your relationship and family from going the way of the world. Yes we need to have a Godly jealousy for our families.

Well there are some Temptations that can, will, and probably have confronted your marriages. I trust you are committed to your spouse enough to be on the lookout for these temptations and deal with them accordingly to protect your relationship until death do you part.